Unhappiness in marriage often has a simple root cause: we speak different love languages, believes Dr. Gary Chapman. While working as a marriage counselor for more than 30 years, he identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. In a friendly, often humorous style, he unpacks each one. Some husbands or wives may crave focused attention; another needs regular praise. Gifts are highly important to one spouse, while another sees fixing a leaky faucet, ironing a shirt, or cooking a meal as filling their "love tank." Some partners might find physical touch makes them feel valued: holding hands, giving back rubs, and sexual contact. Chapman illustrates each love language with real-life examples from his counseling practice.

How do you discover your spouse’s – and your own – love language? Chapman’s short questionnaires are one of several ways to find out. Throughout the book, he also includes application questions that can be answered more extensively in the beautifully detailed companion leather journal (an exclusive Amazon.com set). Each section of the journal corresponds with a chapter from the book, offering opportunities for deeper reflection on your marriage.

Although some readers may find choosing to love a spouse that they no longer even like –hoping the feelings of affection will follow later– a difficult concept to swallow, Chapman promises that the results will be worth the effort. "Love is a choice," says Chapman. "And either partner can start the process today." --Cindy Crosby. This text refers to the Amazon.com Exclusive Journal & Paperback Book Set.

REVIEW

In an effort to help mates understand how to love each other, Gary Chapman tries to organize the communication of love in five styles. He tries to help the reader understand which style(s) they respond to most, and to ask the reader to think what language the one they want to love 'hears' most clearly.

In "The Five Love Languages: Five Love Languages," Chapman isn't saying love only happens the way he says. Instead, he is giving a framework to love one another better. This way, we (especially we men), aren't shooting in the dark. Often, we want to love better than we do, and work hard, but miss the mark because we are, in essence, speaking another language.

Chapman tells us that we often love the way we'd like to be loved, and that so does our spouse love us the way they'd like to be love. This can help us discover who we are, and more importantly, how we can love.

Some romantic relationship books take the angle that men are different than women -- and that's true, but rather this a book about communications styles. In fact, he'll assert that men and women might prefer any of the five 'languages'.

The success of this book isn't in learning the styles, but in the active use of them in our relationships. It is easy to read, but with deep consequences.

I fully recommend "The Five Love Languages: Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

Anthony Trendl